i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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