tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
