ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
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