nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
And two different second-graders said my make up was pretty. It's left over from last night bc I woke up 5 min before I was supposed to leave.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Randomize
