honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Randomize
