Honestly I wish you never came into my life. I know I don't want you. But I keep trying to get you back bc of the memories
I don't see you I see the memories. All the time
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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