This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I stole a fireplace last night.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
