is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
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