I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
