do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
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