Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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