Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
