dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Like do you realize his dealer came out with a gun and we laughed like it was all just fun and games...
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
