I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
Let's just say when I woke up I was still drunk. My hangover hit me around noon so I chilled w my dad and took a bath and shower at the same time. You just can't do that at college
Randomize
