I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
We fucked so hard and loud that the everyone at the party downstairs starting chanting his name. Oh I we broke a lamp.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
we had sex while we waited for the thai food... a which will come first type of situation
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Randomize
