weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
Randomize
