when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
