is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
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