Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize