Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
Randomize
