So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
