Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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