Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
