Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
