Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
you can feel better about your life now. i slept with a guy who has gold teeth
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
