Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
