his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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