I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
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