life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
