i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Somehow ended up at a stranger's bridal shower. Everyone else is already drunk.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
