I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
