I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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