I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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