..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
