Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
