note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
she peed on how many people?
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
