having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I need to stop getting picked up at 3 am by my friends parents. This is the second time this week. I'm a grown man.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
