remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
