Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I've lost every trace of self esteem. Even sneaking a BJ in the coffee room has lost it's luster.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
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