your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
I wanna get shitfaced and yell about Tim tebow
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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