Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
so my pro life roomate found a used condom wrapped up in her sheets with your panties. never letting you have sex in her bed again
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize