we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Soap is not a condiment
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Randomize
