you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
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