the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
