he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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