There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
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