Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Randomize