How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
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drunk guy next to me on the train just tried to share his pizza with me
he just tried to feed it to me...i love new york
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
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Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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