Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
