Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
my debit card account is gonna say movie, movie, ice cream, movie, cheese fries, get a fucking life, movie
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
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