I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
we were bear claw grabbing his crotch in the middle of the bar yelling prominent ridge over and over.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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