I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
Randomize
