Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
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