I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
