got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Well, I crapped my pants in front of her entire family, was laughed out of their house, and I had to walk home with shit stained pants. So, yeah, it went really well.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
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