You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
