Soap is not a condiment
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Randomize
