You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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