I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
I lost the right to judge tonight
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize
