He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
