watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
I cut my penus on the lid.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
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All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
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I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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