Swine flu. Run for my life!
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
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