In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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